Here is what I have done in the past, and the things I am currently working on. It is also the projects I am doing in the future

Friday, April 12, 2013

I Never Knew

I tried it so many times before,
but nothing let me pass through death’s door.
I had done the pills, even a loaded gun,
but none would let me see God’s only son.

I prayed each night to take me away from what I thought was hell,
only to be awakened in the morning by my alarm bell.
I hated who I was and I thought, Who would really care
If I ended this life of despair?

It happened that I cut deeper than what I thought,
To the point that I knew my guts would rot.
As I saw the rivers of scarlet before I closed my eyes,
I knew then that I had caused my own demise.

My eyes saw the body on the floor dead,
And I felt a presence peering at me from overhead.
I rushed to it, for I had finally come to this,
And I saw heaven just ahead--this I could not miss.

A dark shadow formed by my side
 I think it came from the light,
And it spoke to me in a hallowed voice saying I should have stayed in the fight.
I laughed and said this is what I wanted all along,
That’s when the figure turned to me and said
 “You just did not think you were strong.”

I floated upward and away from this menacing foe,
He grabbed my arms and told me I had to see this show.
I was pulled back and watched as my father broke down the door,
And I saw his tears and the hurt that grabbed his core.

He held me in his arms weeping all along,
And asked himself what the hell did he do that was so wrong.
I felt pain that I never had known in my life,
And through it all I knew I could never escape this strife.

The paramedics got there but it was in vain,
And as I walked through my mother I felt her unyielding pain.
My daughter, what have you done!  Was I not there?
Did you not know how much we all cared?

The dark figure moved with me as we passed through time and space,
And suddenly I was outside in a cloudy place.
They were dressed in black all lined in a row,
All weeping and sobbing making me want to go.

My friends with flowers they threw to the ground,
And I tried to speak but they did not hear a sound.
I could only see the pain that resided in each and every face,
And I so wanted to be away from this place.

I begged to be gone from this sight and taken to where I must go,
And he spoke to me with sorrow—“ Oh you still don’t know.”
I shook my head and watched as we set out once again to a place unknown,
And I saw my little sister who now seemed so grown.

I saw the hurt that overcame her like it did me,
And I saw the look in her eyes of  wanting to be free.
I cried out not her, not this way!
Oh, what can I do to make her stay?

Your actions created a path that has only one way out,
But maybe she will be stronger than you, please remain stout.
I gazed at her wanting to undo all the pain that I’d done,
Just to save her so that she may see the sun.

I watched as she took pill after pill with no remorse
And saw the visions of her life’s course.
The hospitals and the shrinks made for her own life,
Just because I could no longer deal with the strife.

The troubled relationships and my parents worried until they died,
Only so they can confront me later and ask why.
Every action I took had its effect on every life,
And I wish I had known this before I embedded that knife.

I still walk the earth a shadow of what I once used to be,
A little girl that was loved by my friends and family.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Plot's Advice 12

Some say that the hardest things you will ever learn are usually the most rewarding things you will ever do. Many times we get confused with the thought that it is too hard and we have suffered enough. So in our frustration we give up and walk away, even though we are so close to succeeding that we never really realize it. More often than not most people live their lives by those rules and never achieve what their heart desires. I have seen this within several of my friends and family members as well. Such a loss of determination into utter hopelessness is a horrid sight. One should never suffer that humiliation of defeat. Still there are others that are willing to die for what they seek and are willing to do literally anything in order to achieve that success. In the end they buck the system until they are exhausted by time and endless strife. Old, battered, beaten, and used, they fall away into nothing, knowing they stood up for what they believed to be their ambition’s goal.  Even in their defiance we must grant them the bravery they have shown for most just run from such conflict. I am touched by these people, and feel a kinship with them. I am no martyr or saint. My views of hope remain steadfast, but there are so few that think this way. I think we all can do what we wish to achieve, but we must understand that we have to learn from each other and help one another achieve our heart’s desire. We are social creatures above all and in order to progress we must trust each other. This is a hard thing to do. But we must give that trust in layers and not all at once. Only then can we test the waters of faith and reach the goals we truly desire. If you have another way then good, but I stand by what I have said here for this is my road.  Only you know which road is yours.  Til next time…Plot 121

Friday, March 1, 2013

Thank you again for visiting this my blog and please come back again when I shall have more to share with you.